There’s an old game people play to get to know each other. It’s called “two truths and a lie”. You tell the people in the group three things (two truths and a lie about yourself) and then they decide which is the lie.
For example: I ride a motorcycle, I played minor league baseball, I am a felon
As I work through a lot of what is in my head from a long time ago I find myself wandering between truths and lies. What’s interesting is that when I am able to discern the difference I would have thought that would immediately change the subsequent emotion and action. Thinking precedes feeling precedes action.
Which is odd because if I were to come to a dock that had 3 boats to take me over to an island and they all claimed to be seaworthy but then I found out one wasn’t, I would immediately and easily choose one of the other boats. My action would follow my belief.
Yet, when I face those same kinds of things about myself, it’s not that easy to walk away from the lie.
Was it my fault? Is that all I’m good for? Is it all up to me?
Of course it wasn’t my fault. Yet while I can say it, I have a much harder time acting on it. I act like it was my fault. I live like it. I continually perform to try to earn love and support. A hamster wheel of a life chasing approval and kindness through earning it.
This week I had to go through the details and I felt awful. I should have been angry and yet I felt ashamed. I can honestly say it wasn’t my fault and yet I feel and act the opposite.
What are the two truths and a lie I’m learning through this process…
That God cares about it, that I am worth protecting, that I am only valuable if I perform.
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