The therapy is tough. Recalling details of a childhood can be brutal. I understand the necessity. Sometimes it’s easier to take troubles and put them in a box in our minds and lock them away. Very much like the crate that held the Ark of the Covenant in Raiders of the Lost Ark at the end.
Finding that crate in a sea of crates can be difficult. Opening it even more so.
A common saying is something along the lines of “what’s on my plate”. It’s meant to describe the responsibilities or things to do someone has.
I’ve come to learn something about plates. My plate.
When I was a kid my mom had plates that had dividers. Typically there were 3 sections to the divided plate. The reason for the dividers were to ensure that there was space for that which was designated to be on the plate. The corn had its space. The potatoes had its space. The meat had its space.
As I wrestle with the trauma I realized I learned something when I was young. That there was no space on anyone’s plate for me. Their plates were full and had no space for things that concerned me. No divided space on the plate for me.
We all need to take up space at times. I never wanted to take up space. I wanted to alleviate burdens, not be one. I felt like Atlas. Forever sentenced to hold the weight of the world on my shoulders alone.
Now I need to take up space. I wondered if there would be space on people’s plate for me. Turns out the answer is yes.
Plates for adults don’t have dividers. And whatever you put on the plate the items on the plate tend to just…take up the space of the plate. Rarely do adults not fill up the plate.
But when there are dividers, the space is reserved. It’s one thing to know that someone will create space should you need it, it’s quite another to know that space is reserved for you.
When I was 12 there was no space reserved for me. It was taken up by other things. Today, I’ve learned that people have reserved space for me. It’s mine. Whether I am using it or not, it’s mine. Like a reserved seat, parking space or season ticket. Always available for me should I need it. It’s a great feeling to know there is space that belongs to you…
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