Looks can be deceiving…

I’ve always looked young for my age.

I also was always the youngest kid in every grade. My birthday is in October and my parents put me in a grade ahead.

So I looked younger still.

Last week playing golf and a guy about my age asked me if I played on the TCU golf team. What?? I know eyes go bad about this age, but wow. His mind was gone.

Looks are deceiving. VERY deceiving.

The last week or so I’ve been experiencing a burning sensation in the artery. Just another nuance I suppose…but it hurts. A lot.

A friend asked me how I was doing and I said overall I’m hopeful and making progress and doing well. Then he asked me about the pain and I said it was high and now had this burning sensation. He said, “You know, you don’t look like you’re in pain”.

I didn’t know how to respond or what to think. It wasn’t meant to be a compliment or a criticism. I don’t think. It was just a statement.

All my life I’ve tried to live in a way that hides the pain. I know which stores at the mall have dressing rooms that don’t lock or have doors that go to the floor. I know how many stalls are in each restaurant in case I need to prop myself up and faint. But more than that…I go to work, I play sports, I hang out with friends…all that normal stuff without wearing a t-shirt that states I’m in pain.

On one hand that’s been a good thing. I never wanted it to get in the way of living normally. On the other hand it’s been a bad thing because my motivation up to this point was so I wouldn’t experience the embarrassment of being a burden.

But what does the new world order look like where I lose that motivation and I live more honestly. Clearly I do not plan on wearing the t-shirt. But what does it look like? Full and complete honesty is not the best policy. There are some things to some people I just will not say. Because they aren’t helpful. And we all carry things that not everyone should know about.

I’ve decided this has to do with the circles. The outer circle of people (acquaintances for example) may or may not know about it. Then there are the other two circles. Middle and inner.

The people that are in the inner circle…those are the ones I want to know and more than that, I want them to ask me about it every now and then. Those are the ones that know that no matter how I “look” or act, they know it’s still there.

That’s all. Nothing more, nothing less.

While looks can be deceiving, they aren’t always meant to be.