Today I was talking to a friend and he asked me why I don’t want to wear a mask in the stores. He thought it was such a small price to pay for “safety”. And he used the example of wearing a seat belt and how that was a small price to pay that we all do.
Then I told him…I bought a little thing that you stick in the seat belt slot to make the car think you are wearing it so it stops beeping. He couldn’t believe I went out of my way to avoid wearing a seat belt. I reminded him that I’m the guy who also doesn’t wear a helmet when I ride my motorcycle. Not saying these are smart things. Is what it is. But as the conversation went, I realized some other things. I’m also the guy that when there is a crowd, I need to be on the outside of the crowd. Wherever I live, I need to be on a hill and not have houses behind me. I will go way out of my way to avoid traffic just so I don’t feel stuck. I only want to go to a foreign country where I can drive back if I have to!
I also leave one golf ball at the end of my practice session at the driving range. But….that has nothing to do with the other things.
When I thought about all those things. Masks, seat belt, helmet, crowds, home, traffic…it’s all about control. I don’t like things controlling me. I have to control my circumstances as much as possible. And when circumstances control me, I’m very triggered. But why?
Simple. When I was young…I was controlled. And bad things happened.
I know it seems silly and I get it. It is. But those little exercises of freedom and control help me feel safer. Ironic. But it’s true. I’m learning as I go. And just the fact that I’m aware of it has already helped. I want to feel safe because I trust God not because…any of this other stuff…
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