Sometimes when I would interview people I want to know if they have the ability to “figure it out”. I have even gone so far as to ask a puzzle question. I don’t care about the answer, I just want to see their process in trying.
It went like this:
2 poles are 50 feet tall and a rope connecting them is 90 feet long. The rope is 5 feet off the ground. How close are the poles?
When I was 12 I figured something out. And it was a moment in time. When the abuse happened it was like a bomb went off in my head. I figured out very quickly that I had to hide. How to hide my chest pain and how to hide the pain from the abuse. I know how to live in hiding. It’s like second nature. And I don’t like it. It’s exhausting. Quite frequently I hear “you really don’t look like you’re in pain”. I hide it. It’s not even something I think about. I figured it out. I know where the dressing rooms are in the mall that are easy to access and are carpeted. I know how to disappear and faint in a mall, in a restaurant, at a football game…I know how to hide.
Now….I have to figure out a whole different thing. How to live without hiding. Today I had coffee with a friend and I didn’t hide the pain. It was hard to let it show. I felt bad for how uncomfortable it might make him feel. But…he couldn’t have been more kind. And so…that helps me…learn how to live without hiding. Turns out it wasn’t so bad.
(Of course he could at this moment be telling someone about a weird guy he had coffee with)
I am realizing that if I want to live differently, I have to…live differently. A different life won’t come from thinking, it will come from living differently.
The pain is really high today…and I’m not hiding it…
Brint's Blog 