Today I was reading about faith. I keep wondering what it is that allows people to trust God in the midst of terrible circumstances. Faith? Believing what you can’t see.
Then I read Hebrews 11, the famous “wall of faith”.
And I’m confused. Some of those people credited for faith….I don’t get it.
Faith and trust:
Faith…believing in something you can’t see…
Trust…belief in the reliability of…
I have faith that God exists. I struggle with trusting that he will reliably take care of me. But let’s be honest, I struggle with trusting anyone. Someone once said to me, “Trust but verify”. It made me pretty mad. If you have to verify, you don’t trust.
Today I sat outside on the back deck and watched 3 baby birds sit on the patio for 45 minutes while momma bird flew back and forth bringing them food. They trusted she would come back and feed them. They just sat there and waited. Time and time again. They trusted her to come back and give them what they needed.
When I told my parents and the doctors about my chest, I trusted they would listen and take care of it. Instead, they thought I made it up. I remember telling that story on a podcast recently and I said, “It was like a bomb went off in my head when they said that to me in the hospital room”. It really did shake my very foundation. I believe that moment was a key reason of not having memories before that time.
I asked this week, “How do I rebuild that foundation?” Therapist said, “You have to show up for yourself first”. Seems odd. To rebuild trust in others, I must first build trust in myself. I suppose it sort of makes sense because if I don’t show up for myself (set boundaries, do self-care, be kind to myself when I screw up, don’t take on the world’s problems) then how can I think anyone else would show up for me.
Showing up…the true nature of someone you can trust. Show up. If a friend is in a tough spot, just show up. Don’t try to say anything profound, just show up. Literally. Go to them.
It was this presence that I wish I had from God. It was this presence that Job needed from God. When God was silent, Job despaired. When God spoke (and he spoke harshly to Job which I do not get) Job felt comforted. It was his presence.
Show up…just be present…
God…please show up…or if you already are…please give me eyes to see.
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