When the girls were little I would tickle them. They would hate it…and love it. It was fantastic. They would beg and beg and scream for me to stop. Finally, I told them there was a magic phrase that if they could figure it out I would always stop tickling them. They would be yelling and yelling all different types of phrases or words to guess. I knew they’d never get it. But they did.
“King James”
And so it began. They would yell it to get me to stop tickling them for years and years.
In fact, they are now 20 and 18 and it wasn’t too long ago that someone came up behind my 18 year old and tickled her and she out of the blue yelled, “King James!”. Yep…that made ’em stop…but not for the same reason it did me.
King James…oh what a frightening concept…and yet, sometimes…I think like that. But not for the reasons you’d think.
I’ve learned that the main impact of trauma to a kid is that that kid grows up believing they have to be perfect and they have to make up for the “burden” they were to their family. The way they make up for that is they become “perfect”. They become the rescuer and protector of others. And something else I’ve learned…people that live with chronic pain feel the same way. They feel the need to make up for what they bring to the world.
And so…King James. Who does he trust?
If he trusts himself, he feels a ton of pressure and responsibility. If he trusts God…
On one hand it seems as if so many around me are so trusting when I am not. On the other hand I wonder if I’m looking at their “Facebook life”, which isn’t real.
What I do know is I am working on trusting the real king. There are various things to trust Him with right now.
-where to live…doc says sea level would be better
-the virus…that good decisions will be made on behalf of all the kids out there and if not, that it’s not my responsibility
Trusting him that I don’t have to be perfect. Isn’t that the question we all want to know? Am I enough? I want to trust that I am enough…but not because I am…because He is.
One of my favorite Bible verses is “Be still and know that I am God”.
Oh to be still….
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