I’ve always believed that the reason torture works is because you don’t know how long it will take. If I knew how long it would be…I think I could endure most anything.
2020 has proven that theory correct. If I knew there was an end…I could endure it better.
I think about the Israelites and 400 years of slavery. How’d they do it? Well of course most did not do it well. They gave up. They survived. They did not thrive. But I’m sure some of them kept the faith that someday God would hear them and show up. I don’t know how. That takes a special kind of faith.
And so I look at this 2020 and it absolutely has been a form of torture. So many kids stuck with their abusers. So many lives disrupted. So many. The world living in a threatened state for an extended period of time. An unknown period of time. “Torture”.
And I also look at 2020 as a blessing in many ways. There has been a lot of good come out of it. A lot.
I find myself wishing I could focus only on the blessings. I in fact beat myself up that I’m not more positive and focused on the blessings. I feel guilty. Why can’t I be more spiritual.
I remind myself that the reason is…wait for it…I’m human. I know…don’t tell anyone.
It’s inhuman to not be affected by living in a threatened state. It’s inhuman to not be upset about what staying at home has done to our world’s mental state (mostly kids).
I need to give myself a break. Let myself up off the mat. You?
Anger and gratitude can co-exist. They can be friends and one doesn’t trump the other. Both are valid and both can happen at the exact same time.
2020 – I’m angry AND I’m thankful for you. And not ashamed to say I hope I never see you again.
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