My second favorite movie, The Princess Bride has a quote in it:
“Life is pain highness, anyone who tells you differently is selling you something”
Another quote from someone slightly more famous:
“In this world you will have trouble…”
Something stood out to me when I talked to Casey Martin a few months ago. He said that life is suffering so who is he to expect any different for his life.
If that’s true…then suffering is the norm and any relief is a gift? Because I certainly have looked at suffering as a curse versus relief as a gift. As if I expected life to be easier. In fact, I spend most of my days trying to avoid suffering don’t I?
My daughter was in the ER yesterday at college. We don’t know why. She’s coming home today. She has mono. And she has suffered all year long because of this covid crap. Made her senior year and freshman year pretty miserable. Personally I’d rather live free and die from it then live in this cage. That’s just me as apparently that’s what makes me an “8”. Betrayal and feeling trapped are biggest triggers for me. Ha. But no one would dispute that this world is suffering.
The question I’m pondering is one of acceptance and hope. I feel like I’m moving through the 5 stages of grief on my life. I’m definitely at the anger/sadness stages. Counselor says acceptance is next for me. I can sort of see that. But first things first. I have to go through anger/sadness to get to acceptance.
But doesn’t anger simply come from some sort of blocked goal? I think my goal has been to not suffer. Pretty sure that’s true. Allow me some latitude here as I’m typing as I’m thinking. But I might have spent my life trying to avoid suffering. And…doing my damndest to keep suffering from others. I have a list of things that in my head are desires for which I am chasing. That list is different and same for every human. Connected relationship, money, security, sex, acceptance, job, safety, etc.
If I don’t get the things I desire, I am angry. Or sad. The most elementary example would be a drive to work that is normally 30 minutes becomes an hour because of an accident on the road to work. What would be a normal desire and plan for a 30 minute drive gets blocked and now I am angry. I remember when I was a kid I would look forward to the baseball game that week and if it rained I would be really angry.
How to change my relationship with suffering? If it’s truly the norm in life then what am I doing spending so much time fighting it? On the other hand when there are wrongs done that can be righted, why wouldn’t we try to right the wrong that is causing suffering? If all suffering is acceptable because it just is life…then there would never be a wrong righted?
But if I set that big question to the side for the moment, I will ask a smaller question. Right now there is suffering that is no one’s cause or it was caused in the past and there is nothing I can do about the wrong. But the suffering is real. Valid. What’s my relationship to that? I’ve been working very hard to relieve the suffering. And I do want relief. Believe me.
But how can I change my relationship with suffering? I’m starting to wonder something…if my relationship with suffering can best be altered through sharing it? Truly the worst idea ever in my head. To think that means I would share my suffering with someone else which of course would be suffering to them! The WORST idea. But what if it’s not. What if it’s a blessing to them?
Today is Sharon’s birthday. Sharon was my 2nd mom. I worked with her in Houston and she was truly like my 2nd mom. Cared for me in a way that no one ever has. One weekend my heart was giving me problems (this was long before they figured out what it was). I couldn’t leave my apartment. Sharon would call and check on me. She asked to bring me dinner Sunday night and I said I was fine. She got angry (Sharon never got angry) and she said, “Chuck James! Do NOT deny me the blessing of loving you!”
In this world I will have trouble. That’s the promise. The second promise is that He has overcome the world. Which means there is hope…but it’s not here on earth. Can wrongs be righted and will that be relief and a blessing? Yes. But the final hope isn’t here.
Sharon showed me that. She showed me that the real blessing is in loving others. I don’t know how to give others the opportunity to love me. I have been working on it these past 313 days. And I’ve allowed a few folks to help. And they have. Tremendously. I hope it is a blessing to them. They say it is.
The sad thing…I keep wondering when they will get tired. Oye. I have work to do…
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