Since I’ve been back the pain has increased. Harder to breathe. Tough to figure out what to do. I have always looked at figuring out big decisions as “following the crumbs”. I believe God is already working and figuring out what He’s up to is simply a matter of looking around and following the crumbs He has laid out.
So as I came back to CO there has been nothing but kindness. Nothing but kindness. Personal and business. Kindness and support about moving to AZ. And yet, I’m unsure what to do.
I remember a story I heard when I was a kid…
‘A man was in the middle of a flood and the waters were so high that he had to go to the roof of his house. He prayed to God, “God save me!”. In a little while a boat came along and the man said, “I have faith that God will save me” and he didn’t get in the boat. A little while later a helicopter came and the man said, “I have faith that God will save me” and he didn’t get in the helicopter. Sure enough the man drowned and as he is standing before God he said, “God, I had faith in you, why didn’t you save me?!”. To which God replied, “What more did you want, I sent you a boat and a helicopter!”
Silly, but it’s sort of how I feel. I’m being stubborn. But why?
Because I’m afraid.
How crazy is it that a man my age and after all I’ve been through…I’m afraid. Afraid of being alone, of betrayal, of dark alleys. I’m pretty sure that’s why the first characteristic of love in the Bible is “love is….patient”.
How patient must God be with me.
Dare I believe? Dare I believe this will be a good year, that I can trust, that I can feel better? On one hand I really want to. On the other hand there is a voice in my head that says I’m crazy. Am I the only one that has two voices? Pretty sure not. But I have to believe that it’s worth the risk right? Otherwise I live my life in fear and protection. And that’s not living. This past year has been about recovering…healing. What’s next has to be about trusting, taking a risk to believe.
One time on the TV show The Voice, there were two guys in a duo and they were really good. The stars turned their chairs and asked what the name of their group was. They replied “Midas Whale”.
Blake Shelton asked where that came from and one of the guys said, “About 10 years ago when we were messing around with the idea of leaving our jobs and taking a risk with the idea of doing a band we turned to each other and said “might as well”…and that’s where “Midas Whale” came from”
So…should I go to AZ? Should I believe I can feel better? Should I believe that the support I’ve received is real and will last?
Midas Whale
Brint's Blog 