Author Archives: chuckbjames

I am traveling taking AJ to camp. Sitting in a Kansas City hotel. All that’s on TV is corona and protests. I still wonder why there aren’t more protests around the stay at home orders but I find myself in a different place as it relates to the protests around Mr. Floyd. Lots of peopleContinue reading “Rage…”

And so I went into the office building, with my mask, and went to the counselors office. And I hated it. So silly….but I did. I hated it. On one hand stuff like that where I feel “wronged”, I revert to the days where I was ‘wronged’ and couldn’t do anything about it. No oneContinue reading “WWCD…part2”

“There is no joy in Mudville, Mighty Casey has struck out”. The last line of “Casey at the Bat”. My favorite poem of all time. Today, for no reason at all, the pain level was extremely high. Nothing had happened. I had slept normal. No major stressors. Just pain. Double me over kind of pain.Continue reading “WWCD…”

This morning I walked into my counselor’s office building and headed upstairs. A young woman at the counter asked me if she could help me? “No”, I said, “I know where I’m going”. She then told me I would need to wear a mask to enter the building. I stopped as I was walking upContinue reading “A fly and a bazooka…”

I played golf with a young guy the other day. 28 years old. I had an episode on the course and one guy told him I have a heart condition and it can hurt at times. The young guy then asked me, “What’s it like?” When I was 24 I had my first job outContinue reading “The 3 most powerful words…”

I’ve always looked young for my age. I also was always the youngest kid in every grade. My birthday is in October and my parents put me in a grade ahead. So I looked younger still. Last week playing golf and a guy about my age asked me if I played on the TCU golfContinue reading “Looks can be deceiving…”

All last week I would go out and spray the weeds. A normal weekly chore. The spray always works. This week it didn’t. So I sprayed them again. And again. It wasn’t working. Yesterday I went to the shelf again to get the spray and realized something. I had been spraying deer repellent on theContinue reading “The road to hell…”

Circles. Circle of life. Running in circles. Life comes full circle. Sewing circle. Vicious circle. Semi circle. Winners circle. Willy go round in circles. That’s what I thought those lyrics said, but they don’t. Lots of circles. What I’m thinking about is…the inner circle. I think more and more about feeling unsafe. The obvious causeContinue reading “Willy go round in circles…”

In 2010 I went to the Mayo Clinic. Alone. I had reached a point where I was passing out often and no one knew why. Years and years of doctors and no answers. Well, there were answers, but they were along the lines of “it’s not your heart, must be in your head”. So IContinue reading “Mustard seed…”

In processing “safe” today, something popped out at me. Many things actually. Physically nor psychologically do I feel safe. My chest is burning, I’m afraid to go to sleep because I don’t know if I’ll wake up. A regular experience. More to come on that… But something I thought was particularly interesting and ironic wasContinue reading “A cat on a skyscraper…”