Category Archives: Uncategorized

First…a medicine update… I’m still on the channel blocker and some nitrate supplements. Not working yet, but still trying. At some point I’d like to get away for a week and see if my body will adjust to the nitrates. Trust. Still working on it. But I learned something the hard way today. I talkedContinue reading “Uh oh…”

Today took my youngest to college. Belmont University. They aren’t opening the dorms until September 7th. (maybe) So, another parent and I decide to get the two girls an apartment for the first 3 weeks so they can start their college experience. Get there and find out her roommates parents were scammed. No apartment. JustContinue reading “Baggage…”

I am constantly aware of my surroundings I am hyper sensitive to sketchy areas I am nervous in large crowds I like to live high on a hill I carry a gun I sit with my back to the wall so I can see the whole room Have I been in a war? Or doContinue reading “War, huh, what is it good for…”

Tension…so much tension. Almost an audible groaning. I watch a golf tournament and it makes me happy. Then I look around and no fans and it makes me feel heavy. I watch the NBA and I love the live sports. Then I see the cardboard cutouts of people and I feel heavy. I go toContinue reading “Childbirth…”

I’ve wondered what it’s like to trust…anything… I remember an NBA basketball player once saying, “There are only three certainties in life, death, taxes and my jump shot”. I sometimes feel that way about my 7 iron. I trust it completely. What do I trust? Really. Who do I trust is an even harder question.Continue reading “A Road Called Doubt…”

When I met with the therapist this week we talked about what it was like to be 12. I don’t know of course because I have no memories of it. Having to act “adult” since 12 puts me in a weird position of not understanding what it means to be “whole”. A whole person hasContinue reading “It’s not Nexiam…”

I asked for God to give me eyes to see last time. Today I realized…what I need is someone else’s eyes. God’s eyes have a perspective that frankly he won’t share. He told Job, “who do you think you are?”. And I get it. He’s God, he can do that. What I really need isContinue reading “Borrowed eyes…”

Today I was reading about faith. I keep wondering what it is that allows people to trust God in the midst of terrible circumstances. Faith? Believing what you can’t see. Then I read Hebrews 11, the famous “wall of faith”. And I’m confused. Some of those people credited for faith….I don’t get it. Faith andContinue reading “Faith…eyes to see…”

About a month ago I wrote an entry, “In God We Trust”. I wrestled with the premise that this entire existence and peace rests not on the word obedience, but it rests on the word trust. Do I trust him? I don’t have peace. I don’t feel safe. My abuse. My heart. My government. AllContinue reading “In God We Trust…part 2…”

So I started the Nitroglycerin. A little history on this chemical. Originally invented in 1847 by an Italian chemist, it was later expanded into commercial use as an explosive by none other than Alfred Nobel. Nobel was a Swedish chemist who desired to create a safe way to use the explosive after it killed hisContinue reading “Dyn-o-mite….”