I choose you…

As a kid and even through most of my adult life I never wondered who my natural parents were. Just didn’t seem to matter. My adopted mom even encouraged me to seek them out and find them. Never saw the point.

Now I see the point.

With family and heritage answers the “where do I come from” question. Until recently my daughters were my only blood relatives. Why does it matter?

The cruise ship reminded me of why it matters.

The cruise ship was unmoored. An odd word that basically means attached to nothing. Lacking connection.

When I went to the retreat center I thought I was going there to get some help. That made me feel moored. And when the center didn’t work out for various reasons I will explain later and I was on a 14 hour trek home I realized I felt unmoored again. Scared.

When I was a kid and it was time for recess, I was never chosen last. Sometimes I was the captain. And nearly every time I was captain I always chose Jeffrey who nearly always got chosen last. Why? Because I love the underdog. Disconnected, unattached. Like the cruise ship full of people. Unwanted.

Being chosen is possibly one of the greatest gifts you can give another human being. I was chosen by my adopted family. They didn’t have to adopt me, they CHOSE to. I was also chosen by my heavenly father. He didn’t have to, he wanted to.

There are a few times in life that I love the domination of a team. The Chicago Bulls, the Nebraska Cornhuskers, the LA Lakers. But most of the time I love the underdog. The Susan Boyle’s of the world. Now I know why.

Because I was the underdog. Unwanted by my natural family, feeling unwanted because of my heart condition and the pain it causes….everyone it seems.

Feeling chosen and wanted is the greatest.

Today I feel chosen by many friends as they have so many things going on and yet are “choosing” to help me in spite of all the craziness in this world.

I have a lot of disappointment right now that the retreat didn’t work. More than I can express. But I also have a lot of gratefulness for friends that understand that.

How can those two things co-exist so strongly…more on that tomorrow.