Today’s session was about remembering. It’s really difficult but today was something different. It was about using the technique to not only remember the trauma but also good memories. And I actually recalled a memory prior to 12!
When I was 7 years old my dad forced me to go to a t-ball tryout. I didn’t want to go. Can you believe that? I didn’t want to play baseball. My dad made me. But I think one reason I didn’t want to go was because I didn’t have a baseball mitt. I had to borrow my sisters and it was a first base mitt only. It was light blue and it was huge on my hand. I didn’t have baseball cleats and I went wearing pink pants with purple pockets. It was all I had to play in. (ps…those pants are in a box in the basement as we speak)
I actually remember driving up in dad’s old International pickup truck. Three on the tree and he was the only one in the family that could drive it. We pulled up in that old thing and I got out and went up to all these boys I didn’t know in my pink pants and sister’s borrowed glove. I was so nervous. Coach started hitting to us, throwing to us, having us hit etc. It was a tryout.
Even though I was embarrassed by my clothes and glove, I was the best on the field. I quickly realized that I had lots of friends because I was good at baseball. I immediately fell in love with the sport. I remember Dion Washington’s dad yelling from the sideline, “Doesn’t matter what glove you give that boy, ain’t nothin gettin past him!”
That was a good memory. Then we recalled a bad memory. Then back to the good ones. The next one came to me and I was 12. We were playing in an all-star game and it was at a minor league stadium. It was bottom of the 9th and we were down by 1 and guys were on second and third. The guy in front of me struck out and so there were 2 out and me walking up to the plate. If I get a hit we win, if I get out, it’s over. It was really quiet. And then our coaches wife, Mrs. Gilchrist, yelled, “Get the champagne ready, here comes Chuck!”.
The pitcher quickly got 2 strikes on me and it wasn’t looking good. Mrs Gilchrist could be heard again, “Way to get their hopes up Chuck!”.
The next pitch I hit to the wall and we won! Mrs Gilchrist believed in me and my dad was so proud that day.
The good memories “this” and the bad memories “that”…co-exist. And just like I have a bad memory of not being protected at 12 years old I also have good memories of that age. Lots of baseball and basketball and football with the neighborhood guys. “This AND That”. It’s important for me to recognize while bad things happened, good ones did too. And it’s not a “but”, it’s an “and”. Trauma happened “but” they did their best? No! Trauma happened AND they shouldn’t have let it AND good things also happened.
AND….is really valuable. BUT…tends to minimize the statement prior to it.
Genesis 50. Joseph’s brothers sold him as a slave and then eventually Joseph was Pharaohs right hand man in Egypt and saved the country from a famine. He told his brothers, “You intended to harm me, BUT God intended it for good”
I’ve never really loved the “but God” versus. Seems to minimize the hardship prior. Such as Joseph and all he went through. While I love the overcoming and redemptive nature of “God” in tough circumstances, I would prefer “AND” instead.
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