Life is a bad experience right now. I spent time on my daughter’s college campus this week and had to wear a mask everywhere and took it off to drink a bottle of water and a security guard was on me like ugly on ape. (my dad’s old saying)
It’s as if I’m everyone’s “enemy” with distance and plexiglass barriers everywhere. It’s hard for me. It’s stressful and everything is a bad experience. Just getting a coffee.
It’s hard for everyone I know. I’m pretty triggered. I’m learning that I’m triggered because when I was young and the abuse happened there were people older than me that could have done something and didn’t. People with power. So I feel afraid. I feel exposed and vulnerable. More than that, I feel that way for all the kids. K-16. Some are stuck with their abusers. That REALLY triggers me. Some are just more stressed than normal and in this world with college and the race to nowhere with academics, adding that much more stress to these kids is nuts…really triggers me. Telling social people to not be social is not what God designed. Even if it is only for a year.
I have opinions about it as everyone does. But what I’m trying to learn is to “do what I can” and not strain so hard against doing what I can’t. So…I went to visit AJ because she just needed a boost from dad. Stress is getting to her because finals are here and it’s frankly been a very tough 9 months to have her senior year end the way it did and her freshman year start the way it did. Well, what college kid isn’t stressed? So I did what I could. I showed up. Doesn’t seem like much but it’s what I had.
When Jesus told a story about what someone had to give to a “cause”, He didn’t talk about big splash or changing the world as leader of the world, He pointed to a woman who gave all she had. What she had wasn’t much, but she gave it. It was just a few cents.
I’ve had a few friends that are “well known givers” but they give out of abundance. They give large amounts but never once when the economy was down or when things were tight. This woman gave out of poverty and gave all she had and even though the amount was small Jesus said she gave way more than the large amounts given.
So I gave what I had…and it was out of deficit. I don’t travel well and especially during covid.
The point of that is that I’m learning that I don’t have to give big amounts.
Here’s a revelation that will shock you. For some reason I just realized that I’m not Governor. Or President. Or king. Or Chancellor. Or Prime Minister. Or Chancellor. I’m not even President of our HOA.
And since I’m not, there’s only so much I can do. And what I do…is enough. I…am enough.
God hasn’t put me in a position to show up and make a big difference during this brain cell killing pandemic so I am going to show up and make a difference for those closest to me. And in that…I am enough.
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