The “Trip”…

What are the odds…

What are the odds 8 very different guys from very different backgrounds end up on a guys trip. Actually, not that low. Happens all the time. Guys trips are common. They come out of college buddies, sports teammates, church groups, business partners, neighbors. Typically loved by guys and hated by gals. And for good reason typically.

We’ve all been on that guys trip where somehow the minute a fully grown adult male gets on the trip he loses all sense of reality or maturity. But this guys trip is different.

The only common ground these guys started with was that they went to the same university. Their backgrounds were pretty different. Some came from a little more privilege and expected to go to college. Some arrived at the school because of athletic scholarships. Some due to academic scholarships or federal grants. Some came with high intelligence, some average. Some came with louder personalities, others more quiet.

Frankly, if you were attempting to plan a trip that would set a standard for how a guys trip should go, you would never have planned a trip with these 8 guys as they were just too different.

Stress is the gap that exists between what I want and what is. Therefore, the amount of stress that could exist between these 8 guys for 3 days and hours and hours in cars or sitting at a game or sleeping…all in tight quarters…is very high. Unless….uniformity loses out to the simplicity of unity. More on that later.

The guys:

One was a guy who started the trip. I played basketball with him and would hang out by a river late at night praying together. We would ride the motorcycle there and he would be greatly afraid. He has a way of having fun no matter the audience and fits in with all. Loves to laugh. Really loves to laugh. From a midwest town in Nebraska.

Another guy I met when I was an RA and we played a lot of basketball together throughout college and then in my last year we founded a christian fraternity together. We have argued for 30 years over…everything. From the definition of “nothing” to his inability to grasp even the basics of basketball talent. An accent from a small town in west Texas and one of the smartest people I know. Yet where his intelligence stops, his faith in God and loyalty as a friend is even greater.

Another guy I knew a little bit in college as he lead a student ministry there at the time. Was also the president of a fraternity. Our team was to play his in the intramural championship but he had an unfortunate accident. Never met anyone he couldn’t be friends with. Endless energy for others and strangers. Humble and extremely hard working in all he does and is always open to “whatever”. Has a deep faith and incredible optimism.

Then there were 2 other guys, roommates, one who played football at TCU and the other who ran track and I met them when they became part of the charter members of the fraternity. One is a stranger to no one and adventurous and the other is a servant at heart and has a wit that borders psychotic it’s so brilliant. Two more different guys you can’t find and yet two more close guys who love each other more you also can’t find.

And then there were 2 other guys that I didn’t know at school at all. One is a calming influence, mellow, steady and so very faithful. He keeps us organized and on time. No small task. The other is loud and fun and has the personality that makes him great at what he does and is as contagious as the delta variant. Again, I didn’t meet them until….

#frogsforhuskers (The Trip)

One year the guy I rode the motorcycle with to the river decided to invite some TCU guys to Nebraska to stay at his parents house and play golf and go to a football game. Pretty benign. One time weekend trip with some buddies. I came from Colorado and they came from Texas. We slept on couches and floors and ate endless amounts of cookies and played golf and went to a Nebraska football game (I didn’t play golf back then…what a stupid game…and I didn’t particularly care for Nebraska football…now that I think about it, I’m not sure why I went but it sounded fun). It was simple. Fun. Inexpensive. We were poor college graduates.

As with any “get together” the success of the gathering is dependent heavily on the personalities involved. You can take some crazy personalities and make it work if what they are gathering around (a super bowl for example) is something they are all passionate about. And as long as your team wins, it will be a great trip. If your team loses, then the personalities come out and it can go south quickly. It’s a science and an art to create a gathering where all invited feel welcome and comfortable. And it’s rare. Even with our families it is rare to create that special get together that goes well and lots of fun and comfort is had. The odds of this working out were slim.

8 guys who randomly met during college on a 10+ hour road trip to stay in tight quarters for 3 days and try to find activities, conversation, food and tv that everyone will enjoy. If you tried to plan it that way, it would be difficult and probably fail because if you gave us all a survey of the things we like to do, eat or talk about…the crossover, the uniformity, is very small. There are industries built around trying to make sure events like that go well with a bunch of people.

It was destined to fail.

The 2nd year it continued. Then the 3rd and the 4th and the 5th and the 6th and the 7th. And not every guy went every year but it was never less than 6 guys and most years it was all 8. About the 8th year we tried a different venue. Colorado. Surely that would do it in. A new venue, new game, new things to do, new host. Surely then it would fail. Did that for a number of years. Always golf. Always a college football game. Always laughter. Always prayer.

We went to Nebraska, Colorado, Texas, Purdue, Clemson, Wisconsin, Breckendridge…all centered around a college football game.

How is that possible? How is college football that uniting to be able to bring 8 guys together for a trip. Well it would be easy if it were always a TCU game. Lots of guys go to a game at their alma mater. That’s easy. But in this case, less than half the time it’s been a TCU game. However, there’s something about college football that is so pure that it brings out the simplicity of unity. We’ll get back to that.

(side note: a technology happened that added to our connection. When the smartphone came out, txting started. I would guess we have contributed over 70,000 texts in our group text string)

The early years were easy to get away. Single or married with no kids. Easy. Then marriages and careers and the middle years were more difficult. And yet…we did. It became one of the highest priorities of our lives.

We’ve laughed, prayed, cried and even injured ourselves. We’ve had epic moments of laughter and hurting. We’ve had cancer and grandchildren. We’ve had job loss and job gain. Success and failure…just like everyone else. Fulfilled and unfulfilled dreams. And we’ve had it all…together. Speaking just for myself, this group has been there for me in many ups and downs. I frankly don’t deserve to have them in my life.

For a while we didn’t talk about the trip with others much. We didn’t think much of it. It’s just what we did. Then, not too long ago, we began to realize the significance of the trip. Others were commenting on it. Many others had gone on guys trips. And then they found out how long we’d done it and that it was always the same 8 guys. And that we stay in communication all year long. We started to realize how special this was. The rarity. The rarity, the simplicity and the purity of the trip. Always just us, always golf, always football, always Jesus. The simplicity and power of…unity.

Something interesting happened this year that caught me off guard. Not that it happened, but my reaction to it. Others were introduced into the trip. We played golf and then we went to someone’s house with a bunch of other guys and hung out. Pretty benign and probably even fun. (I don’t know because I left) I walked around a Chicago neighborhood and found coffee and just sat. I wasn’t angry. I didn’t know what I was. I just wanted to walk. I thought it was because I don’t like small talk with strangers. And that’s true. So very very true. I realized later what I was…sad. And then I couldn’t figure out why. Uncomfortable with strangers…sure, but frankly I’m at a place in my life where I’m pretty comfortable in my skin so I don’t really care. But…why sad? As I type this I realized why. I felt like the “trip” was threatened. Like it somehow wasn’t…enough.

And that made me sad…

Of course that’s not the reality but the fact that I felt that way made me realize just how important this trip is to me. These men, these friends, this trip…I cherish it. I don’t act like it sometimes. And I don’t like that about me. But I do. These men, this trip…make me a better man.

I’m not one to cherish things other than my wife and kids. The reality of my life is I don’t trust people. If you’ve read this blog you know why. But these guys…I realize…I trust. And my safe place, the trip, felt at jeopardy. Of course it wasn’t and I’m thankful it happened. It made me realize even more than I already knew, how important this trip and these men are to me.

Back to the simplicity of unity….

Why I thought it would fail is because early on I thought that uniformity would be necessary. Agreement. Sadly, I generally think that about life. Uniformity is the key to peace. And of course uniformity around a central subject or opinion. (think…The Truman Show) I know it’s ridiculous but of course I think that if everyone would just think and act like me, things would go a lot smoother. Sad I know. And while I don’t truly believe and live like that, I do sometimes feel like that. Ridiculous what goes through my head sometimes. And so, I for sure thought this trip had no chance to withstand the test of time. Destined to fail. Not enough uniformity. Too many guys, too many differences.

These guys taught me that over time, it would be the simplicity of unity that was necessary, not uniformity. Unity comes from being bound by something bigger than ourselves. In our case, we realized that those things that bound us together were more than enough. MORE than enough. TCU, college football, golf…and Jesus. Unity comes from a humility to sacrifice what you want for what others want. Unity can’t happen without sacrifice. And every year these guys sacrifice what they want for what others want. Whether that’s time at home with their family, time away from important jobs, a bed given up for someone and sleep on a couch or a type of pizza or which game to go to or whatever…sacrifice happens. And sacrifice creates unity. And we are…unified.

These men make sacrifices for each other. This is a group that will not shoot its wounded. This is a group that will fight for their brothers even when their brothers are wrong. This is a group that will celebrate each others wins and sit in the dirt with each others losses.

It’s not an accomplishment…

It’s a standard!

So how long has this gone on? 27 years! It isn’t an accomplishment, it’s a standard. It is THE standard of how to do a guys trip. More than that, it’s the standard of how to be friends for a very very long time.

Unity around common ground such as college football is what started it and frankly, it’s what makes it fun and we love the tradition. But what has kept it going is the unity that comes from guys sacrificing for each other and that comes from our faith. Guys showing up for each other during tragedy and triumph. That happened this week. One of our guys lost a parent…and many of the guys showed up. It happened with me 17 years ago. I lost my dad and these guys showed up.

Our Lord made the ultimate sacrifice to unify us back with the Father and I see that lived out every day with these men. And then once a year I get to experience it in person.

The Trip.